Dear Steve,

I hope you are well and that you are gaining weight rapidly. In Australia we were really worried about Apple while you were having your operation last year — it was a period of great uncertainty for us all.

I even called one of the reporters from the Wall Street Journal to ask him whether he had any inside goss on how you were going. He said you had said that he wasn’t allowed to write any articles about the situation or talk to people about it. He said that was OK, but I could tell he was a little bit bummed about you being sick as well.

Anyway, I just wanted to write you a letter because I’ve got a few things weighing on my mind.

Firstly, I wanted to thank you for that nice letter you sent everyone last week letting them know Australia would be getting your “magical and revolutionary” new iPad devices in late April. It was nice that you didn’t include any local pricing information about the “magical and revolutionary” iPads. It takes all of the worry out of it for Australians.

Because we don’t know much the “magical and revolutionary” iPads will cost, we can go to the Apple store on the day they go on sale and just pay the price that you set, without having to budget for it.

My wife asked me the other day how much iPads would cost in Australia. “Don’t worry,” I said. “Just let Steve handle it. Steve knows what’s best.”

If I were you, I would take the price that you set for the iPad in the US and multiply it by at least two — that would allow for the difference between the US and Australian dollars, as well as the cost to ship the iPads to Australia. And maybe add on $200 or $300 so that Apple makes some profit out of the iPads. I mean, you can’t expect Australians to get their iPads virtually for free!

It’s kinda like that time you started selling the iPhone in Australia, and nobody knew how much that would cost either. But lots of people still bought them.

You didn’t say whether the iPhone would be sold from the Apple store or just from telcos like Telstra and Optus. But that was OK, because it meant people didn’t have to line-up overnight in the cold. Some people did anyway, but they must not have understood that you were telling us just to relax and stop “thinking”.

You’re a really thoughtful guy, Steve!

By the way, Optus sold a lot of the iPhones, but I don’t think they had much of a profit margin on them. That was a good move, Steve. You don’t want to let the telcos start thinking it’s “their” iPhone. They need to realise they are just like retail outlets for Apple devices. Like AT&T in the US.

Secondly, I wanted to alert you that your “reality distortion field” that works so well overseas has recently been having some trouble in Australia. I heard these two guys discussing Apple at a conference the other day. I think they were Windows users, and even worse, they were journalists.

You know what journalists are like, Steve — like those Engadget guys who got hoaxed and sent Apple’s share price down. You can’t trust Engadget bloggers like you can trust the Wall St Journal journalists, can you?

Anyway, some Australians have been saying that they don’t understand why the iPad is launching in Australia after the US. They say since the iPads are made by Foxconn in Taiwan, why can’t Apple just drop a few pallets off in Australia on the way to shipping the rest to the US? It’s on the way, after all.

Steve, I couldn’t believe that these guys would say this. Don’t they trust you to know what’s best for us? It’s exactly the same situation with the way that you can’t download those “sexy” applications from the iTunes Store.

Lots of people complain about not being able to download “sexy” applications from the iTunes store as well. But that is the problem with the internet. There are way too many “sexy” websites out there. I appreciate what you are doing to make sure we don’t fall to temptation and look at “sexy” iPhone applications, Steve.

I mean, we all like to get “sexy” sometimes. But it’s not appropriate to look at “sexy” material on an iPhone. Everyone should be able to understand that.

But some people just don’t trust you. You can see why I believe the “reality distortion field” is slipping.
I think you really need to do something about this. I mean, I wouldn’t come to Australia yourself. Or if you do, make sure not to tell the Australian journalists about it — you know what they’re like. But we don’t have Engadget in Australia, so maybe it might be OK. But we have Gizmodo.

Maybe you should send Tim Cook over for a while, just to smooth things over and make sure Tony King has things in control. Maybe he was drinking a VB in the server room and the device that projects the “reality distortion field” got a little jolted? It can happen. You just need to make sure it’s OK and still works properly.

You know what these mid-level executives are like. You can’t rely on them. Look at what happened with Gil Amelio — that was a disaster in action. I’m glad you came back to sort it out.

Anyway Steve, again, I hope you are well, and I look forward to buying a “magical and revolutionary” iPad in late April.

Kind regards,

Renai LeMay

Image credit: Acaben, CC 2.0

Related posts:

1. Rest in peace, Steve Jobs. We’ll miss you.
2. I hate you Telstra … more than Steve Jobs
3. Both iPads to hit Australia late April
4. Laptops for schools should have been iPads
5. Steve Jobs: Australia says goodbye, and thank you

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1. Kiryn Clay
   Posted 08/03/2010 at 9:29 am | Permalink | Reply

   nice balanced article Renai, i like it! hehehe

   • Renai LeMay
     Posted 08/03/2010 at 9:51 am | Permalink | Reply

     Heh glad you enjoyed it Kiryn — I enjoyed writing it ;)

     • Sean Kaye
       Posted 08/03/2010 at 9:59 am | Permalink | Reply

       Nice one, Renai… I bet you wrote the article on your shiny new MacBook though, didn’t you? LOL!

       The only real choice I will make around the iPad is WiFi-only or #G as well.

       • Renai LeMay
         Posted 08/03/2010 at 10:29 am | Permalink | Reply

         heh nope Sean — I wrote it on my Windows 7 machine!!! So you’re going to buy an iPad then? I can’t really see the application yet — my next purchases are likely to be a Kindle and a PlayStation 3.

2. Sean Kaye
   Posted 08/03/2010 at 10:36 am | Permalink | Reply

   I find myself doing a fair bit of impromptu web-surfing for which I reckon the iPad will be perfect. For example, if I’m watching something on TV and I want to look up something, I usually grab the iPhone and check it that way. I think the iPad will be good for that.

   I also envision applications like Evernote being very powerful on the iPad for work.

   I think for travel it will be interesting. I like to load up my Macbook with plenty of TV Shows, Podcasts and movies before going away. I often find when i travel that I don’t use the laptop that much – I check email on it and do some web surfing in the hotel room. If the iPad can do all of that its lighter and easier to carry.

   And besides, I don’t care – I buy whatever Steve sells, the distortion field is working well with me.

3. Renai LeMay
   Posted 08/03/2010 at 10:47 am | Permalink | Reply

   Hmm I do agree with all of this. But the problem for me is that I usually carry around a MacBook Pro (13″), an iPhone and a Telstra Next G mobile broadband USB stick as well. So I just can’t see myself adding the iPad — with its limited abilities and potentially expensive extra 3G connection — into that mix.

   Would like to. But is it realistic? No. not yet.

4. Sean Kaye
   Posted 08/03/2010 at 11:21 am | Permalink | Reply

   See, I don’t lug my laptop over to the couch when I sit down to watch TV. Or if I’m laying on the bed reading a book, I don’t want the laptop sitting next to me. The iPhone has been doing this since its release in Australia.

   I’m reserving judgment on price until I actually see what it is here in Australia for 3G. The AT&T deal of $30/mth for unlimited 3G is very attractive. Even if it was $50/mth here in Australia, I’d consider it.

   That said, I agree with the AT&T guy, I think wifi will be the bigger play.

5. Renai LeMay
   Posted 08/03/2010 at 5:43 pm | Permalink | Reply

   Hmm yeah true, the iPhone has replaced a lot of laptop usage for me also.